I truly love all of my biological Grandparents and knew each of them at different times of my life: Grandpa Blair as a toddler, Grandpa Monroe as a tween, Grandma Blair as a teenager, and Grandmother Monroe into “mid” adulthood. I am blessed and honored to carry on a bit of each of them. I wish I could know them all as an adult, but I am grateful that my Grandmother Monroe was able to live until I was almost thirty six years old.

My Grandmother, Patricia Anne Monroe, passed away on November 16, 2014 at the age of 93. Like any good grandparent/grandchild relationship our relationship was complicated and loving. But as I have been reflecting over how much she meant to me, I’ve been unable to grasp a specific word or illustration as to why – other than the simple fact that she was my grandparent and always there for me.

I have thought on some of those tangible memories collected over the years. These memories help build as to why I love her so and why she influenced me into adulthood. The following are just some of those memories.

Carry On
I recorded “Grandma Nuggets” in my journal after my daily phone calls to her over the past three years. A common closing that Grandma would say while she was still able to communicate with me was, “Carry on”. Grandma always taught me to carry on. Whether it was as a little girl having difficult days; fighting with my sister feeling as if life couldn’t get any harder; as a teenager dealing with hormones; or as an adult as my Grandmother knew she was dying and wanted to warn me to carry on – Grandma always told me that it was okay to continue. My Grandma taught me to never give up and always carry on- for one more step. One more day.

Follow Dreams
My Grandmother always encouraged me to be a writer. Even early on, she encouraged me to keep a journal and jot down stories that filled my head. She allowed me to believe I could do what I really wanted to do- which is write.

When I was in second grade, I took my parents’ word processor and wrote a two page life story. I am sure it was quite good and a complete synopsis of an eight year old’s life. Grandma read it and told my Dad, “She has the writer’s mind”. I’m not sure if it was true or not, but I took her at her word and never forgot it. I still hear my Grandmother in the back of my mind, encouraging me to write and encouraging me to follow my dreams.

Cherry On Top
Grandma was blessed to have a beau later in life, after my Grandfather passed away. Grandma met Mr. Al Jones at church. They were a wonderful match to watch. He doted on her, she giggled. She made him dinner, he always gave rave reviews. Grandma told me several times that Grandpa was her ice cream sundae. And Al Jones was the cherry on top. It didn’t make her love my Grandpa any less or make that relationship less significant. Her cherry on top gave her unexpected joy and increased the enjoyment of life over the span of a decade. I’m hopeful that my love will be with me for all our days- but if not, I hope one of us can enjoy life in our later years- whether it be with travel, unexpected and exciting instances, or new love like Mr. Jones was for Grandma.

Imagination
Grandmother taught me to use my imagination. Grandma took us to fairy gardens (see: https://smithwriters.com/2014/08/10/fairies-all-around-us/) and allowed us to dream of fairies. Grandma built us cardboard box ships and nurtured our desire to build other imaginary modes of transportation with other boxes. Grandma had a drawer full of dress up clothes for us to dress up in and imagine we were Queens, Princesses, or ladies at tea. Grandma had music instruments for us to perform concerts for the adults in the evening. Or she would tell us to work on a skit during the day to debut at night after dinner. Whatever it was, Grandma helped us imagine it. It still serves me to this day as I think of what could be or as I play my own role as “Auntie”.

Letting People Know They Matter
My grandmother taught me that everyone is important. For years-throughout my early to late teens, Grandmother would call a neighboring friend each and every day. The woman was worried that since she lived alone, that if she was hurt or died, that no one would ever know. So, Grandmother called to touch base with the woman. She’d make sure the woman got out of bed, knew what day it was, and that Grandmother was just a call away. My Grandmother told me that she wasn’t going to wait for someone else to call her friend and remind her that she mattered. She wanted that woman to know that Grandmother was there for her…every day.

For the last three years of Grandmother’s life, I called her every day to check in. When I first started calling, she was a young 88. We would have longer conversations- about activities, food, movies or books, and even politics. Slowly but surely, our conversations started getting shorter and more one sided. At the end, when she was age 93, she wasn’t much for talking. Usually the people who cared for her held the phone to her ear as I said, “Hello Grandma. This is Nina. I am calling to let you know I’m thinking of you. I love you and will call you tomorrow”. She usually didn’t answer me. But I am hopeful she at least knew she mattered to me …every day.

Love of Golf
I credit my Grandfather Monroe, my father, my Aunt Becky, Uncle Jim, and Grandma with teaching me to love the game of golf. But Grandma may be one of the only family members who played an entire nine holes at one time with me.

To me, golf is relaxation. Golf is my Grandfather or my Father snoozing in a chair on a Sunday afternoon while a golf game played on television. Golf is waiting with my Grandmother in her kitchen for my Grandpa to play the back nine on their home course. When he’d come around, we’d look at him through binoculars. Grandma would know Grandpa’s timing- she’d know the approximate time between when he teed off, to when he would be at the specific hole.

Grandma gave me her golf clubs to play with on the high school golf team. I carried her clubs around for three years (with the exception of the putter…everyone needs a special putter). Of course, the way I thanked her was the one time I played with her “golf group” at her golf course and I played horribly. We teed off that first hole and my ball went directly around the corner and into the clubhouse swimming pool. Grandma said (after we didn’t hear screams) – “Just keep moving”. But unfortunately, halfway down the hole a woman came out with a towel around her asking if we lost our ball. I am not sure if Grandma was more amused or more embarrassed. It was then she realized I did not inherit my Grandfather’s golf skills.

Lucky Penny
Grandma taught us to never give a wallet, a billfold, or a purse without including a coin as good luck.

Manners
To my Grandmother, proper manners were very important. My guess is most of Grandma’s grandchildren (and her children for that matter) knew that when we sat at Grandma’s table, we used the proper manners. No matter what meal, Grandma set the table impeccably. I’m still pretty sure she had a plate for everything- even jello salad. We would often have multiple glasses, utensils of each type and size, and a variety of plates. From an early age I knew that there was a certain way to pass food, a certain order to the usage of forks and spoons, and a certain way to lay napkins on the lap. I really don’t recall being angry or resentful of the need for manners. It was just the way it was at Grandma’s (and as a result- whether I was at home or at a friends). The lesson of manners has served me well over the years.

Preparation is Key
Grandmother was always prepared when we visited. She would have the weekly menu plan and who was assigned to what duty posted on the fridge. Long before we visited she would have the games ready that we would play and the itinerary planned for the visit. She always had snacks left out in various dishes for us to snack on and “find” around the living spaces. The first thing I would do when I got to Grandma’s house was rush to the fridge to find out what she had planned and when I was helping.

Once, Grandma had me assigned to the “activity” on a New Year’s Eve. I got to plan the entire day for the family. It was such a privilege! I think I drove my sister nuts with the movies I decided upon and the designated “nap time”. But Grandma was slowly teaching me that I could also plan ahead for others.

Even as an adult, Grandma would sketch out our itinerary and what we would eat each night. I knew, about eight or so years ago when I visited and there was no itinerary on the fridge, that things were changing.

I carry on Grandma’s tradition of planning (and perhaps over planning). I’ve also been thinking ahead to when my nieces and nephews are old enough to contribute – how can I include them in the activities? What will they go to first when they arrive at Aunt Nina’s house?

Sentimentality
My Grandmother was very sentimental – for better or for worse. Everything had a story and she had a hard time letting go of some of those items. Grandma wasn’t a hoarder- but definitely a collector. In her later years, she would have piles of things for people to take. They would include pictures, little trinkets, or vases.

Once, as I was leaving, she handed me three albums. She said, “No one else will take these. You can do anything you want with them once they leave me. But let me think they will continue with you”. I took the albums home and went through them. One album included pictures of every home she lived in as an adult. How amazing are those memories? Another album included scenery of places she and my Grandpa visited in Europe. Grandma had taken out all the pictures of her and Grandpa so there were places and labels where pictures once were displayed. But there were also pictures taken by my Grandfather that included pictures of his index finger in front of the frame. I am not sure what to do with the album at this point. Do I give it away and ask the person “not to tell me what happens”? Or do I keep it so I can remember the fingerprint of my Grandfather and the places they were together? Thus, the album sits at my home.

Toiletries for Guests
For as long as I can remember, my Grandma always had little toiletries for guests. Forget something? Check the guest bathroom! She had little soaps, toothbrushes, shampoos, sewing kits, and everything else imaginable. To this day, I think of her every time I stock our guest bath cabinet.

The Power of Real Mail
Grandma once asked me why people never send mail anymore.  I wasn’t sure of how to answer it other than, “Well they email, Grandma”. She couldn’t quite understand email, nor did she want to understand it. I would walk with her to the mailbox at one of her later homes and she would tell me it was the highlight of the day when she received a personal letter in the mail.

Grandma sent us letters (handwritten and typed) or articles. We would never know when we would receive something from her. Once, she wrote me a little note on scratch paper and said, “Look! I’m using paper scraps!”. I felt lost when I knew at the end of her life she couldn’t read the words I wrote any longer and certainly wouldn’t understand them. There was a sadness about her not having that “highlight of the day” anymore. I have kept every card and letter she has written over the years. And I’ve also made a point to never forget the power of real mail.

Unconditional Love
The single most significant thing that Grandma taught me was unconditional love. I think this is the one loss I feel more than anything else.

Grandma was one of the few people in my life who I never had to convince that I loved them enough. I never had to reassure her that she was important to me. No matter what, she loved me back- just as I was. I never had to compartmentalize my stories with her. She accepted me 100%. I never doubted it for one moment. Her love just simply WAS.

And even though I feel that loss deep down to my heart- I am lucky I had her love. I am lucky I had those moments with her. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Life as a grandchild of Grandma Monroe was not all flowers and lollipops. We definitely had our moments and Grandma would often teach me lessons she thought I needed to know, but in fact I did not have the slightest intention of learning. But the ones she really wanted me to hear, I heard. And I learned them when I was ready to learn. I will forever take those lessons and memories with me.