Four years ago today was the darkest moment of my life. The moment my sister’s first child came into the world stillborn.

The dark came in-without a warning- and it clouded over us- like a nightmare with no end.

I’m not sure what was worse- the sadness and unjustifiable truth that Alexander was gone before even arriving. Or the enormity of my sister and brother-in-law’s grief. There was nothing anyone or anything could do or say to make it better. Their laughter was gone.

I held Alexander the night he came and left. I whispered in his ear and told him he was loved. And that he would never be forgotten. The grief in those heart crushing moments is indescribable- it takes my breath away even today. 

I cried, “it isn’t fair” “why him?” and all the things grief brought to my lips. Things I never thought I’d say as I’ve always known bad things happen to good people.

People told us, we’d get through it. But there’s no ending to get over or through. The loss remains. The memory remains. And we carry on and live our lives with those memories.

Four years ago I thought the world ended for all of us. 

But it continued…

Trish and Travis have two beautiful, silly, sweet, and loving children. My sister’s laughter and voice is loud and proud all around me-something I never thought possible again.

Today- January 16th- is Alexander’s Day. As his Aunt, I think of him always, but especially today. I think of Trish and Travis- forever parents of three, with one’s memory always present. 

I think of all he is to us and the hope and grief he meant to us. And I think we live and love with it-never the same- but stronger and wiser than before we lost him.

Alexander Lee- you’re forever in our hearts. 

Love, Aunt Nina

Donate to help families for medical expenses related to this loss: http://www.haydenshelpinghands.com.