Today I’m grateful for my husband.

The past four months of parenthood have been difficult on both of us. We are redefining our relationship, our lifestyle, and everything else in between. The whole world has turned upside down. And even though it’s for the sweetest reason possible, it’s been very difficult.

Postpartum depression has been very real for me. It’s not how I imagined it- anger or neglect of the baby. But it has been a melancholy, a feeling of being overwhelmed, and an enhancement of my usual depression. When I am with Finn, the melancholy is real but I can feel the reason why it’s needed and I can remember why it’s all worth it. But when I’m not with him, I feel caught between being overwhelmed, uncertainty, and tiredness.

Things like going out to the garage seem like a herculean job simply because my life revolves around this little life who depends on me. I have to wait for him to sleep, be content in a swing, or be held by someone else. Things that I used to be able to do so easily, I don’t even know where to begin addressing now. The house is in chaos but my priorities are different than they were a year ago.

Tim has been very sweet and patient with me. He knows I get overwhelmed and though I function, my to do list of even the most simple tasks is almost too much for me to handle.

I am thankful for a partner who is patient, who will hold Finn so I can make that trip out to the garage, or just who will listen to my feelings.