Today I’m grateful for memories shared with those who have passed away. Those memories keep them alive for me and I never want to take for granted that I once knew them.

Last night I walked around the track during the luminaria ceremony at the Relay for Life in Oregon City. It was a solemn yet meaningful evening.

The ceremony honors survivors and remembers those who passed away from cancer. Cancer, the disease that can affect anyone at any age.

I made quite a few luminaries that sat around the track. Unfortunately I used colored pencils and crayons on some that I made prior to the event which didn’t show up well. Lesson learned.

The ones I made using markers showed up much better.

The ceremony started with a choir singing softly. A poem was then read while attention was brought to a tent in the middle of the field where an empty table setting sat. The poem remembered those who once sat around our own tables.

It made me think of my Grandpa Monroe. He died when I was twelve and I have memories of him that sit vividly in my mind. My Grandpa was a gruff man- at least to a young girl under the age of twelve who didn’t quite yet understand his sense of humor. He took us fishing on his boat. I still remember the cushions on the seats of his boat where I rode out the sea sickness.

I remember riding to the Post Office in his truck. I would ride in the front seat and I had all of his attention to myself. I would give anything to remember our conversations on those rides. But I remember sitting next to him- proud to be with him.

I remember hugging him goodbye for the last time. He was weak from the prostate cancer that was killing him. My Dad said to hug him with all my might. I did and Grandpa winced in pain. I apologized and with a glint in his eye he told me he loved me.  As I walked I thought about Alberta. Alberta retired from the employer where I work and I helped her with her retirement paperwork and her benefits. She had to retire early because of several cancers that were in advanced stages. She came in every few weeks to make a payment and we would always sit together in a room and catch up. She told me she was okay with dying. She said she wasn’t going to spend her time thinking about death. She was going to do her best to keep loving her family and being grateful for her many experiences. We would always hug goodbye and tell each other we were so glad we knew one another.

I thought of my memories of Grandma Bette who was diagnosed with cancer shortly after her 90th birthday.

 I have memories of Grandma Bette asking me about Riley Pug and taking a genuine interest in me and my life. Grandma Bette was one of the frankest and funniest people I have ever known. Memories of her surrounded me as we walked slowly behind a bag piper who led the group around the track.

I walked along the other luminaries I made both for myself and for friends who had experienced a loss of loved ones to cancer. The bagpipes continued- I think it played a Scottish version of “Jesus Loves Me” in a very bagpipey way.

       

I thought of Joan- someone who I have known since I was 14. She’s someone who always gave a hug. Someone who due to a close friendship with my parents had watched me grow. Someone who was so supportive of my life and has been diagnosed with stage four cancer. The memory of her hugs and love were heavy on my mind as we then listened to “Amazing Grace” played on the bagpipe.

After the bagpipes quieted, I continued to think about Autumn as I walked in silence.

Autumn died last week of stage four stomach cancer. She was only in her mid-30s. I thought of her kindness, her love of me and my husband, her devotion to family, and to her gentle humor. I thought of her crafty cakes she made for her kids’ birthdays. I thought of the family parties she held. I thought of her love of the same young adult novels I read as guilty pleasure. I heard the sound of her voice and the smiles we would share when someone said something funny.

Sometimes memories are what sustain us. Memories are something that we take with us until we can remember no longer. Memories are what keep people alive in our hearts, minds, and prayers. 

We continually make memories. Good and bad. Our life reflected upon is just a series of memories.

Those I love stay in my memories to keep them alive, and keep them right next to me always. And I am grateful to have known and now remember them.